Learning in Community

Learning in Community, Expectations

“The need for connection and community is primal, as fundamental as the need for air, water, and food.” Dean Ornish

We know we learn about ourselves, others, and God in community. We find the Christ within ourselves when we see it in others and that love is reflected back to us. We learn how to get out of our own world which can become stifling by reaching out to others. We learn about our defects and sins by first seeing them in others and being repulsed by them. Finally, we realize they are also in ourselves. We also learn about our gifts as we admire those gifts in others and one day realize they may also be in us.

In a recent writing by Bill Shiflett from Church of the Saviour1 we learned some more about ourselves in relationship to our expectations of others. Shiflett believes that our expectations of others may at times be our own personal expectations that we are projecting on others thereby making that person responsible for something that is really in or needed ourselves. My experience is this can be an easy trap for parents and even sometimes grandparents. What we are hoping that child will do is really something that we want to do. This rang true to me many years ago when I was talking to a spiritual friend, Peggy Hays, and telling her about something I was hoping one of my children would do. Whenever we talked about it, she would always say, “What is that you want to do?” It took me years to figure this out.

What does this mean in spiritual direction? Many people come for spiritual direction because they are having difficulty with the clergy of their church or with another spiritual friend and this is interfering with their own spirituality. They have expectations of the clergy and their friends which is not being fulfilled. Certainly, there are times when these expectations are realistic and represent ministry that the clergy specifically are called to do. My experience, however, is that it is always important to look and see if we are making someone responsible for something that is really an expectation or a calling or a need for ourselves.

I remember a longtime priest my husband and I dearly loved. We moved away and lost connection with the church because we could not find a relationship with similar clergy in our new town. We had expectations that our new priest would be similar to the one to which we were so close.

We do indeed need a community to connect to God, but the paradox is that our connection to God should not be dependent on our relationship with someone else.

Bill Shiflett,”Assumptions,” Daily Quote, July 18, Inwardoutward.org, Church of the Saviour.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

Life's Plans

Life’s Plans

“If you want to make God laugh, tell God about your plans.” Woody Allen

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Recently I overheard a conversation with two friends talking about whether one of them could attend a special event at the church. The one who had not gone mentioned that she was looking forward to when she had her life in order and all her ducks in a row so that she could attend such special programs. I smiled and knew exactly where she was. I had been in that situation and at times am still there.

Unfortunately, my experience is that we may never start to get our life ordered and decide what is important and what is not important until some life changing event occurs. Sometimes it is a child acting out or having failing grades. More often it is an illness, sometimes serious, but often not as serious, giving us an early wakeup call. We often re-evaluate what is important after the death of a friend or a friend’s friend or a family member. Sometimes our dreams become repetitive and stranger until we finally decide to remember and work them or talk with someone about them. Losing our job or changing our work is always life changing.

So, how do we discern what is God calling us to do, what is important in our life? Having a rule of life is helpful that can bring some order to our lives and keeping us connected to God. Relying on spiritual disciplines such as all the forms of prayer keep us in relationship to God. Practicing a review of our day each night can eventually give us knowledge of how our day has been spent and what was important. Practicing gratitude for the many small and big parts of our day can give us amazing insight into where we find joy and peace.

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com

What Matters Most

What Matters Most

“The things that matter most in our lives are not fantastic or grand. They are moments when we touch one another, when we are there in the most attentive or caring way.” Jack Kornfield, A Path With Heart, inwardoutward.org, August 4, 2016.

We returned from an almost sixty-year high school reunion. There were thirty-three in my graduating class. We thought we could make the trip this year but weren’t sure about the next, so decided to go now. We had lunch with friends I knew growing up in a small town in tidewater Virginia. Some might have called it a one-horse town since we only had one stop light. We would talk about driving up to “the light.” I am so glad we went. I talked with one of my friends who now lives in a county in Virginia that boasts it has no stop lights!

It was as if it had only been a few days since we saw each other instead of fifty-eight years. Why is it so easy to re-connect to those we grew up with? They knew us before we had no or very few masks. There is no need to wear a mask with them. They know who we are and where we came from. We are all back on a equal playing field. Most of the women in my class went off to college. Many of the boys stayed in our small town, worked at the mill, and took early retirement. All seemed to enjoy life. Most seemed genuinely interested in what others were doing instead of talking about themselves. All had had some tragedy and all had had some magical moments.

When we returned my oldest granddaughter sent us pictures of her senior prom. I see pictures of her friends and can in some small way remember how important these relationships are to her. I wonder what her fifty-eighth high school reunion will be like.

I will keep this day and this visit in the memory book of my mind and hope to revisit it again, giving thanks for where I grew up and the many friends who influenced me and taught me about caring for each other.

Joanna joannaseibert.