The Difficult people

The difficult people

“ Someone who has a way of getting under our skin in some significant way probably belongs there.” Br. Curtis Almquist, Society of Saint John the Evangelist, “Brother Give Us a word,” November 17, 2018, ssje.org.

This time of the year we find ourselves around some difficult people we have been able to avoid all year, but not during the holidays.

We learn about Christ by seeing Christ in other people. Sometimes seeing the love of God in our neighbor is easy, sometimes hard. We hope to learn the most about God by sticking with those whose light of Christ shines so easily. Celtic spirituality teaches us that at the core of all of us is goodness. We do meet people, however, whose presence of light and goodness seems impossible to see.

My experience is that God uses every part of each of us to connect and reconnect us back to God. This is true of the difficult parts of ourselves and our neighbors as well. God teaches us where we need help in our lives by being with people who encourage and love us, but we are also taught by being with those who don’t seem to have any concept of love. These are warning signs for us as we observe how empty that life is even if the person seems to be the wealthiest person we know.

We also are to pay close attention to character traits that we are repelled by in others. I think this is what Brother Almquist is trying to tell us. God teaches us so much about ourselves and what is blocking us from a relationship with God in those who repel us as much as we learn from those to whom we are attracted. What greatly irritates us in another often is a character defect we also may have well hidden in ourselves.

Brother Almquist asks us to try not to judge or condemn someone who significantly bothers us. Instead we are to consider this as an invitation to practice mercy and use this situation instead as a mirror into ourselves. We are called to see if these same character defects or sins are also carefully concealed in ourselves just under our skin and blocking us as well from the relationship to a God who loves all of us and constantly calls us to connection and relationship.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

Thanksgiving, a Day to Listen

Thanksgiving, a Day to Listen

“To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.” Henri Nouwen, Henri Nouwen Society, Daily Meditation, excerpts from Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey.

As we gather today with family and friends, this is the perfect time to sit back and listen. Listening is at the heart of being a spiritual friend. Nouwen reminds us that it is not waiting our turn to talk. Instead, it is letting someone else know you are offering the gift of your attention and time to be present with them.

Some think it may be easier for introverts, but in reality, introverts may still be processing what they want to say in their minds while others are talking and only pseud-listening. Extroverts may have difficulty responding directly to what they are hearing, for they better process what they hear on the outside.

The answer is practice. This is an art form that must be practiced consciously every day until it becomes unconscious like brushing our teeth.

We have grown up in a multitask world where we learn to do multiple tasks at a time, eating while we work or watching television, working on several projects, multiple problems at a time, looking at emails, texting, or searching on our I phones while we are sitting down to meet with others. While someone is talking to us, our pattern becomes to think of how we are going to solve another problem as soon as we move on to the next project or meeting.

Living in the present and active listening are becoming lost arts. We must practice them intentionally. My experience is that making eye contact helps keep us focused on the person or people to whom we are listening. This enables us actively to “look for” the Christ visibly and invisibly within others that can only be most often revealed as we also begin to see the Christ within ourselves.

Listening is an art form and a gift. St. Benedict calls it “listening with the ear of our heart.”

Joanna joannaseibert.com

Risen Christ Within Us

True Self

“The True Self is the Risen Christ in you, and hence, it is not afraid of death. It has already been to hell and back.” Richard Rohr, Immortal Diamond: The Search for Our True Self (Jossey-Bass: 2013), 142-144.

Richard Rohr is reminding us that the Christ in each of us is the risen Christ. The Christ within us, our core being, is there to let us know constantly that we are resurrected people. The Christ within us knows about death and dying, and just as importantly promises us resurrection out of every situation, every part of us that seems to have died or has gone the wrong way. When we connect to the Christ within, our core of love, we will begin to see resurrection out of every difficult situation. We will see difficulties with new eyes. Sometimes resurrection happens as soon as three days, but more often it takes much longer.

I see resurrection most often and most vividly in the grief recovery groups we work with. We see men and women who were paralyzed by the death of a loved one begin a new life, often a life of service to others who are suffering.

My own resurrection stories are ones you have heard many times. I was in a car accident in medical school that injured me for the rest of my life. My resurrection experience was that I had to leave school and drop back into another class. That is where I met my husband Robert of almost fifty years. Anyone who knows him will know what an amazing man he is. Later on, in my work as a physician, some of my children started acting out. I knew this was a message. The resurrection was that I began taking off one day a week, Wednesday, and was there waiting for my children when they came home with homemade brownies. Twenty-eight years ago on November 18th I had a moment of clarity and realized that alcohol was beginning to impair my life. The resurrection was a 12-step group that changed me and how I relate to others.

We try to connect to the resurrected Christ within us by all the multitude of spiritual practices and in turn learn to wait and look for resurrection in our lives and the lives of others. Often, however, God breaks through when we least expect it.

We are like the women bringing spices, myrrh, to the empty tomb, often trying to understand what could possibly come out of such an awful situation. We grieve, we wait, trying to stay aware of our next step, trying to do the next right thing, and being open to the resurrection that we have been promised will happen.

Joanna Joannaseibert.com