Gerald May II: God's Job

August 13, 2019 joanna seibert

“In spiritual direction, one might say, ‘My prayers are for God’s will to be done in you and for your constant deepening in God. During this time that we are together I give myself, my awareness and attention and hopes and heart to God for you. I surrender myself to God for your sake.’” —Gerald May in Care of Mind/Care of Spirit (HarperSanFrancisco, 1982), p. 121.

In Care of Mind/Care of Spirit, May encourages us to begin our meeting for spiritual direction with a similar silent prayer—remembering that it is like being in prayer, except that we are with someone else as well as with God. We are to help direct the visitor or guest’s attention, moment by moment, to God, at the same time knowing we can do this only if we are tuned in to our own prayer life.

May gives advice about how to bring up sexuality early in the sessions so that it is an acceptable topic: “What are times you have felt closest to God? What about nature, music, sex, worship, or times of crisis?” May also makes a strong case for spiritual directors to be careful about relationships with their directees outside of the direction relationship. Dr. May’s detailed chapter on referral is easily understood, especially because he writes about so many of his own personal experiences. Perhaps of greatest importance to those of us in the healing community is May’s concept of the difference between healing in the largest sense and curing a specific disorder.

I am grateful that I have been in a group of spiritual directors that took May’s advice and meet regularly to discuss concerns and issues that arise in our work. We meet for mutual support, prayer, and questioning, knowing that we are not doing this ministry alone, but are in community.

May asks us to identify in directees their experience of God beyond their belief system, emphasizing that belief and experience are two different areas to explore. It is important that we use the language of the directees’ own spiritual experience and not our own. We should try to avoid solving people’s spiritual problems with statements such as, “You should pray this way” or “You need to have more faith.” May writes that the directee needs to know that the desire for an experience of God is already the experience of God that he or she is seeking.

I hope to remember that I am a companion, at most a midwife, on a person’s heart-journey with God, and that this is God’s business. God is in charge, even though I may have such good ideas!

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com

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Gerald May 1: Spiritual Direction

August 12, 2019 joanna seibert

“Besides differing from psychotherapy in intent, content, and basic attitude, spiritual direction is generally surrounded by a characteristic atmosphere that is seldom encountered in any other interpersonal relationship. As one person put it, ‘Being in spiritual direction is just like being in prayer, only there’s someone with me in it.’”

—Gerald G. May in Care of Mind/Care of Spirit: A Psychiatrist Explores Spiritual Direction (HarperSanFrancisco, 1982), p. 113.

When I took down Dr. May’s book Care of Mind/Care of Spirit from my bookshelf and opened it, a bulletin from September 1990 fell out. It mentioned a book group at my church that had been reading Care of Mind/Care of Spirit. There were no marks in the book, so I knew I had not read it. This happened more than thirty years ago, two months before I went into recovery.

In the previous year, our book group had read May’s book Addiction and Grace. For some reason, at that time I was not ready to hear May’s words; but on this day it was different. In 1990, I was becoming a missionary member from my church, going out to start another Episcopal church in a new part of our city. Alas, May’s book would have been helpful in starting a new congregation as I began a life in recovery, and even more so nine years later when I was studying to become a deacon.

This has been one of the best books I have read about spiritual direction. Dr. May emphasizes how spiritual direction is different from his own highly effective psychotherapy. In therapy, the director or caregiver “hopes to encourage more efficient living in the prevailing culture, seeking to bolster an individual’s capacity to achieve a sense of autonomous mastery over self and circumstances.” Spiritual direction “seeks liberation from attachments and a self-giving surrender to the will of God.”

This means that at some point spiritual direction may stand in opposition to many of the cultural standards and values supported by psychotherapy. May skillfully writes about how a spiritual director is constantly seeking out rabbit holes or traps that the directee may be encountering while at the same time looking for God in his or her life. May also reminds us that the real healer is God, and that the director and directee are merely channels.

May cautions spiritual directors about how easy it is to become distorted in our roles, “playing God.” This is a book I keep as close to me as possible while doing direction. I sometimes have to avoid obsessing about what May would say about something that comes up in a meeting. Then, after the time together, I hurry to look up the appropriate chapter. But, of course, May would say that our job is not to worry at that moment about what we say, but to concentrate solely and “most soulfully” on connecting this person to God during that moment!

Joanna. Joannaseibert.com

Nature

August 11, 2019 joanna seibert

“Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where Nature may heal and cheer and give strength to body and soul alike.” —John Muir.

A Forward Day by Day writer today reminds us of this quote from John Muir, one of our country’s most famous naturalists and conservationists. Muir was instrumental in forming the National Park Service and the Sierra Club. In spiritual direction, when I ask someone, “Where do you find meaning or feel closest to God?” the most frequent answer is “outdoors in nature.”

In photosynthesis, trees transform light energy into chemical energy. I believe that the trees, the sun, the sky, the ocean, and the mountains also transform some energy inside of us when we are outdoors among them. We see beauty alive and well when before we could see only ugliness. We realize that there is something greater than ourselves, something that transcends our own problems. It is there for us. We do not have to pay for it. It is a gift.

My experience is that when I have difficulty sleeping due to physical, mental, or spiritual pain, it helps to go outside or sit by a window and watch the sunrise in the morning, even on a cloudy day. The sunrise, the world outside, can be a constant reminder of a new opening, a new beginning—the dawning of a fresh way to look at things.

Muir stands out as someone poised to make us aware of the marvel of nature, particularly the wilderness; but he also reminds us of our stewardship of this gift.

Consider the experience of viewing nature, the outdoors, as one of our most important lifesaving, life-renewing spiritual practices and remedies—better than drugs. But nature, like our own soul, also needs care and love.

Joanna joannaseibert.com