Thanksgiving, a Day to Listen

Thanksgiving, a Day to Listen

“To listen is very hard, because it asks of us so much interior stability that we no longer need to prove ourselves by speeches, arguments, statements, or declarations. True listeners no longer have an inner need to make their presence known. They are free to receive, to welcome, to accept. Listening is a form of spiritual hospitality by which you invite strangers to become friends, to get to know their inner selves more fully, and even to dare to be silent with you.”—Henri Nouwen in Bread for the Journey (HarperSanFrancisco, 1997).

As we gather today, sometimes with fewer family members than usual, this is the perfect time to sit back and listen. Having smaller groups to listen to will make this easier. Listening is at the heart of being a spiritual friend. Thanksgiving is a day to pay closer attention to the person or persons with whom we have the privilege to celebrate the day. Even if we are alone, we can call someone and listen.

Nouwen reminds us that listening does not mean waiting for our turn to talk. Instead, it is letting someone else know you are offering the gift of your energy and time to be present and attentive.

Some think it may be easier for introverts, but in reality, introverts may still be processing what they want to say while others are talking, and therefore they are only pseudo-listening. On the other hand, extroverts may have difficulty responding directly to what they hear, for they better process what they hear on the outside.  

The answer is simply to practice listening, even for a few hours daily. It is an art form that must be repeated consciously every day until it becomes as unconscious as brushing our teeth. Thanksgiving is a good day to start.

We have grown up in a multitasking world where we learn to do many things simultaneously: eating while we work or watching television, working on several projects, attempting to solve multiple problems simultaneously, glancing at emails, texting, or searching on our phones while we are sitting down to meet with others. While someone is talking to us, we may think about how we will solve another problem as soon as we move on to the next person or meeting.

Living in the present and active listening are becoming lost arts. We must practice them intentionally. My experience is making eye contact helps keep us focused on the person or people we listen to. We are actively “seeking” Christ visibly and invisibly within others—who can be revealed only as we begin to realize Christ within ourselves.

The art of listening is a gift to ourselves and all we know and meet. St. Benedict calls it “listening with the ear of our heart.”

This is my Thanksgiving Prayer: that each of us can begin ‘to listen to each other with the ear of our heart.”

Beautiful People

Beautiful People

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”—Elizabeth Kübler-Ross in Death: The Final Stage of Growth (Simon & Schuster, 1986), p. 96.

I remember meeting two new beautiful people in one day. I went to say prayers and give ashes to an older member of our congregation in the hospital on Ash Wednesday. While waiting at the elevator with my small silver pix filled with ashes, an African American wheelchair attendant asked me about the black ash on my forehead. I reminded him it was Ash Wednesday. He asked for ashes, as it was his Church’s tradition. He commented that he usually takes another elevator, but he stepped into this one today, and now he knew why.

So we had “ashes to go” right there as we waited for the elevators to come down. He was a gentle, sensitive man looking for God’s presence in all he did, especially in busy times. I do not know any of his life circumstances. We gave each other a blessing, and after the elevator came down, we parted as I went up to Henry’s floor.

Henry was sitting up, and his stepdaughter was sitting by him. I will never forget his fantastic smile as he recognized me and reached out to greet me with his left arm tethered to intravenous tubing. Both bandaged legs were elevated in his wheelchair. He had fallen and broken his hip, but he talked about having a puncture in his heel. Kindness and love shone through his dementia, as he apologized for not standing up when I entered his room.

His stepdaughter described him as the sweetest man she had ever known, and in only these few minutes, I knew it was true. I longed to stay for hours and simply listen to him talk, even though his confused conversation about his children and his life made no sense. I craved being in the presence of someone who seemed to know only love and kindness, even though he was not connected to mundane reality. I hope to share Henry with those I talk with about spiritual direction, and remind spiritual friends that love and God need not be rational understandings. Love has a distinctive “aura” that can fill a room fuller and faster than the most beautiful or intelligent phrases. Love moves the soul like poetry. 

There are many books about dementia and Alzheimer’s. Spiritual friends often ask about finding love and God as they watch a loved one slip into dementia. But unfortunately, not all are like Henry.

I usually share two helpful books. First, Susan Cushman has written Tangles and Plaques: A Mother and Daughter Face Alzheimer’s, about a more challenging situation. Second, Frank Broyles has published a practical book about caring for his wife, who has Alzheimer’s: Coach Broyles’ Playbook for Alzheimer’s Caregivers: A Practical Tip Guide.

Many more resources are available from the Alzheimer’s Association.

I think some of the most beautiful people that Kübler-Ross talks about are not only the dying, but also those with dementia and those who care for them.

A Prayer of St. Chrysostom

A Prayer of St. Chrysostom

“Almighty God, you have given us grace at this time with one accord to make our common supplication to you; and you have promised through your well-beloved Son that when two or three are gathered together in his Name you will be in the midst of them: Fulfill now, O Lord, our desires and petitions as may be best for us; granting us in this world knowledge of your truth, and in the age to come life everlasting. Amen.”—The Book of Common Prayer (Church Publishing, Inc.), p. 102.

I often said this prayer at the end of the daily Morning Prayer Office from The Book of Common Prayer, and shared it with others desperately seeking hope. When we pray together, we affirm that God hears our prayer, even before we pray. As I say this prayer, I remember that C. S. Lewis always reminds us that we pray not to change God, but for God to change ourselves.

As we pray this prayer in the Daily Office of Morning Prayer, we can feel connected to all others in all places praying along with us. That is why I have often joined a group of pray-ers saying prayers at a particular hour of the day for a specific person we know in need or distress. The profound realization that others pray petitions for the same person or cause all over the country or world is a holy force of nature. Sometimes, we may later find out whether that person is safe or has improved, but always, always, we are changed.

St. Chrysostom’s prayer also reminds us of how fleeting fame is. Chrysostom, an archbishop of Constantinople in the late 4th century, often referred to as the “golden mouthed” because of his excellence in preaching, was the most famous early Christian preacher and prolific writer, exceeded only by Augustine. He was outspoken about abuses in the Church and politics. His legacy is still dominant in the Eastern Orthodox tradition, and we celebrate his feast day on September 13. However, I know only a few preachers in our tradition who quote his famous Easter sermon, usually at the Vigil.

This daily prayer constitutes all that many of us in the Western Church still possess to remember him, but it is more than enough because of its power and wisdom.

Joanna.   https://www.joannaseibert.com/