How We Love

Gerald May IV: How We Love

“In speaking of love, narcissism says, ‘I need you to love me.’ Erotic love says, ‘I need you.’ Filial love says, ‘I love you because I understand you.’ Agape—if it could speak—might say, ‘I am you in Love.’” —Gerald G. May in Will and Spirit (HarperOne, 1982), p. 167.

In Will and Spirit, Gerald May discusses types of love: narcissistic (self-love), Me-Me; erotic (romantic) love, Me-You; filial (compassionate) love, I-Thou; and agape (divine, unconditional) love. May believes erotic and filial love can act as “primary education leading to agape love.” Our confusion comes when we expect unconditional love from human beings and conditional love from God—and look for unconditional love from the image of God.

May points out that those who believe they are as holy as God commit perhaps the greatest sin. Willful self-determination is a template for human evil, just like willful vengeance. Willfulness always leads to separateness. 

If we can move toward forgiveness for some past wrong, our fundamental capacity for love will not be injured. But if we hold on to resentment, it will become increasingly difficult to love or feel lovable. Our sense of separateness increases, and we become more afraid of anything resembling belonging, surrender, or union.

It is not so much the nature of evil forces that we experience, but our response to them, that can make a difference in our lives. When faced with a difficult situation, we must not deaden ourselves to reality, cop out, or react quickly with our own plan, while forgetting to call on the active power of God. We are called to remember the importance of a situation and the need for action, but to factor in our total dependence on the unconditional love of God. Then our hearts can be open to God working in us—and at some deep level of our awareness, we can relax and be at peace.

Spiritual Friends

Gerald May III: Spiritual Friends

“At the deepest level of our hearts, we are all aching for each other and for the same eternally loving One who calls us. It would be well, I think, if we could acknowledge this more often to one another.”—Gerald G. May in Will and Spirit (HarperOne, 1982), p. 321.

Spiritual Friends at Saint Mark’s: Grace Chapter Daughters of the King 2019

In Will and Spirit, Gerald May writes that we should not undertake the spiritual journey alone, regardless of our traditions. May quotes Kenneth Leech, who opens his book about spiritual direction, Soul Friend (Harper & Row, 1980), with the Celtic saying: “Anyone without a soul friend is a body without a head.” A spiritual friend or guide does not give directions, but one who points directions—someone who knows something of the terrain from having traveled some of it. Such a guide can say, “I think there may be trouble over there; perhaps try this way.”

Professional training or qualifications of a director, counselor, or friend are not nearly as important as fundamental qualities of primary positive intent, humility (not presuming to know more than one knows), and willingness (commitment to traveling a rough road and allowing the guidance to come from God rather than trying to engineer it); and responding simply and directly to the needs of others as they are presented.

May cautions us that if we expect to be spiritual friends by learning discernment techniques and using them on other people, the outcome will be a blind sales pitch or slightly pastoralized psychotherapy. He describes psychology as seeking to help a person solve the problems of living, while spiritual direction deepens the Question of life itself.

Spiritual Friends from Spiritual Direction Class at Kanuga Graduation

Joanna.   https://www.joannaseibert.com/

 

 

 

 

 

Schmidt: Feng Shui 2

Schmidt: Feng Shui 2

Guest Writer Frederick Schmidt

“Whenever you are creating beauty around you, you are restoring your own soul.”—Alice Walker.

more seats at the table

Not everyone who identifies as spiritual necessarily considers that more significant responsibility. Most of us are taught that spirituality is about getting God involved in our lives, fixing our problems, comforting us when we are down, and showing us the way. Our culture has taught us to think that way, and some spiritualities are devoted to that understanding of the spiritual life.

Now, at one level, I’m all for God being involved in my life. I don’t relish having problems. When God seems particularly close, I enjoy the palpable sense of peace that goes along with such moments, and I never mind knowing what to do next. But, at the same time, I don’t think that is the purpose of the spiritual life. 

We have a more significant responsibility. Feng shui doesn’t quite capture that responsibility, but it hints at a concept found in the Torah, the prophets, and the teaching of Jesus—pretty much in the entire Bible. It’s called the righteousness of God—the order God intended, to put it in more accessible terms. Put another way, we are called into partnership with Jesus to care about how the world around us does or does not conform to God’s design. 

Contributing to the righteousness of God won’t be as easy as rearranging the furniture in a room. Doing that in our world is a much bigger job. Not everyone will think that God’s opinion on where the furniture should go will agree with us. We won’t even agree among ourselves where it should be all the time. And on this side of eternity, the furniture will never be where all of it should be.

But we can witness to making God’s righteousness a reality. We can make personal choices and relate to one another in ways that reflect the presence of God in our lives. Those may not be sizeable pieces of furniture, but it’s an excellent place to start. 

Frederick Schmidt 

all differences at the table