Forgiveness

Mary Dwyer: Forgiveness

"Forgiveness is not forgetting, not condoning, not a form of absolution, not a pretense, not a once and for all decision, and not a sign of weakness but of strength."—Mary Dwyer, One Day Retreat of Contemplative Outreach, Learning to Forgive, February 10, 2018, St. Mark's.

At a forgiveness workshop with Mary Dwyer from Contemplative Outreach, Ltd., at St. Mark's, we learned some basics to start the journey of forgiveness. She reminds us that forgiveness is the only conditional part of the Lord's Prayer, "forgive our sins, as we forgive others."

Reconciliation involves both parties. Forgiveness involves only one party.

 Mary cautioned us about forgiving too soon.

She used the process from Fr. William A. Meninger's book, The Process of Forgiveness. The first stage of beginning to forgive involves claiming the hurt, often by writing about it.

 Telling our story is also a significant part of Bishop Tutu's book, The Book of Forgiving. In the second stage of healing, we feel guilty that we might have done something wrong that caused harm. Here, we are healed by comforting our inner child.

In the third stage, we see ourselves as the victim. Mary gave examples of how so many people get stuck in this stage. Their whole life centers around some hurt many years ago. Support groups help in this stage, as we see we are not the only ones harmed. 

In the fourth stage, we become angry about the hurt. Anger brings tremendous energy and clarity. If we can transform that energy, we start to heal, releasing this energy, and becoming whole again.

What helps me the most is knowing that the person who has harmed me is still hurting me as long as I cannot forgive them. 

Mary then described a process of active imagination with God and the person who harmed us, called the Forgiveness Prayer. After a period of Centering Prayer, we imagine our sacred space with God very close to us. Mary imagines she is sitting in God's lap. Some imagine being at a quiet, contemplative service.

My sacred space would be sitting on the white sandy beach by the ocean, watching the waves come gently in as the seagulls fly in and out at the water's edge. We then invite someone who has harmed us to come into our space. We tell them all that they have done to hurt us. Next, we ask them whether we have hurt them and ask them for forgiveness.

Sometimes, having a picture of the person who harmed us may help us speak to them. This is not a one-time event but requires many encounters. The Forgiveness Prayer is helpful for me when the person who harmed me refuses to talk about it. The Prayer allows us to speak to that person in a safe place where we cannot be injured again and acknowledge our mistakes.

Mary also recommends praying daily for the person who has harmed us until we are ready to forgive.

Joanna  https://www.joannaseibert.com/

Metaphors and Children's Books

Metaphors and Children’s Books

Guest Writer: Isabel Anders

“Metaphors are experience’s body doubles, standing in for actual objects and events. … Mental images can have the same effect on the body and the mind as actual physical events.”  —James Geary.

Traveling by Metaphor

In James Geary’s book I Is an Other: The Secret Life of Metaphor, he points out that our neural systems for language, action, and metaphorical thinking overlap in the brain. 

Jesus’ parables and other analogies in the Gospels make gold of this connection through stories and examples that still spark recognition—and sometimes action—in those who look to them for guidance.

We can’t decide in advance how to react to any given situation life might throw at us. However, establishing patterns of recognition, acting in small ways in accord with true values, and acknowledging our own will as part of the mix can significantly enhance our spiritual journeys.

In Oshan Jarow’s words, life may be “one big process of creatively optimizing prediction as a survival strategy in a universe otherwise tending toward chaos.” Metaphors are a creative step in deciding what to do next and what might ensue if we do (or don’t). We encounter them primarily in the story, in what happens to both fictional characters and actual people, and in what we can learn from them.

Experts in both language and behavior have repeatedly shown that emotions and compelling stories, not facts alone, are what move us, motivate us—and perhaps will save us.

 As Mother Bilbee, Isabel Anders builds a library of fresh, relevant, and ethical nursery rhymes and tales in the fourth Mother Bilbee book, Twinkle, Twinkle, Shining Star, and Row Your Boat Just as You Are! 

Isabel Anders

Joanna  joannaseibert.com

God's Presence

God’s Presence

“Union with God is not something we acquire by a technique. Because God is the ground of our being, separation is impossible. God does not know how to be absent.”—Martin Laird, Inward Outward Daily quote, May 16, 2018.

We may feel that God is not beside us or has abandoned us, but Martin Laird reminds us that God is never absent. Never absent. Never absent. We need to remind ourselves about this every day, every moment. We are never alone. The vastness of God’s presence and love is more incredible than we can know, feel, or imagine.

My experience is that when I ask for more love from friends and family than they can give, this is a stop sign that I have become disconnected from God’s presence.

I am asking others to give more love than they can give because I do not feel God’s love. When I talk to people in spiritual direction who feel estranged from God, I remind them of my experience.

So, how do we change? How do we feel God’s presence and God’s love, rather than God’s absence? My experience is that we have become disconnected, especially from the Christ within us. There are a multitude of ways we can put ourselves in a position to know and feel the love of God, who is always present. That is the purpose of all spiritual exercises. Some make gratitude lists. Others try to be more intentional about their prayer time, spending more time with God and listening instead of talking. Some spend more time in Nature, where God’s presence and beauty are overwhelming, watching the sun rise and set, anywhere, but especially by the sea.

We are told God is always present among the sick, the poor, the needy, and the lonely. My experience is that visiting those in need is one of the surest ways to connect with the Christ in another, who then reflects to us the Christ in ourselves that has been there all along. Working at a food pantry, visiting the sick, and sitting with someone lonely is where we find God.

The paradox is that getting out of ourselves leads us back to the God within.

Joanna joannaseibert.com  https://www.joannaseibert.com/