Gibran: On Children, steady Bow, Smorgasbord
“Your children are not your children.
You may give them your love, but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”
— Khalil Gibran, “On Children” in The Prophet (1923).
Gibran’s poem may offer some of the best advice on relating to our children. Parents are to be the steady or stable “bow.” Our children do not belong to us. They are the most treasured guests we will ever have in our home.
phyllis raney
Another piece of wisdom came from a counselor, Phyllis Raney, who led a parenting class at our church. She told us our job was to provide the best smorgasbord of experiences for our children to sample. What they choose, however, is up to them. We are to be the best possible providers of opportunities for them to experience, but we cannot control their decisions about what they choose.
promises to Peter
We have three children, and as parents, we led busy lives as physicians at a children’s hospital. We wondered how to give each of our children quality one-on-one time. At the birth of our second child, my mother-in-law, Elizabeth, gave me a book, Promises to Peter (Word Books, 1974), by Charlie Shedd. We read about taking each child out to dinner one night a week. We let the child choose the restaurant, within reason. So, one night a week, usually Monday, was “date night” with one of our children. It was a gift to focus on letting that child tell their story without distractions and to show how much we loved them.
We also attended many medical meetings each year and tried to bring one child with us, hoping to spend quality one-on-one time. These trips were one more offering on the smorgasbord.
Our children are older now, with their own children. It is easier to be the steady bow.
The steady bow image has now also become a symbol of our relationship with God. First, we learned about it as we tried to raise our children. Now, it is teaching us more about how God cares for us. The smorgasbord has become a symbol of the innumerable ways God provides for us. We learn more about this One who loves both “the arrows and the stable bow.”
