First Soul Friend
“Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.”—Frederick Buechner, Frederick Buechner Center, Quote of the Day, formerly in Telling Secrets.
Kenneth Leech’s book, Soul Friend: An Invitation to Spiritual Direction, was the first book I read about spiritual direction over thirty years ago. Something was calling me to form deeper connections with other spiritual friends. I was seeing a counselor who helped me cope with life's challenges, but I somehow instinctively knew I needed a friend who genuinely cared for my soul, someone who could help me recognize the work of the God of my understanding in my life. I learned the importance of sharing ideas and seeking advice from others in my medical practice. After many mistakes, I found that when I tried to make decisions without consulting others, I often went down the wrong path and arrived at incorrect diagnoses.
How do you find someone you can trust with your soul? Spiritual directors were rare at that time. It had to be someone I trusted with my fears and secrets. I knew I shared my life with my family members, but my guidance or path to God always affected them directly or indirectly. I needed to talk to or be with someone who was not explicitly impacted by the insights we might have.
After some time, I found another friend, Dean McMillin, in a book group. She was also looking for a soulmate and a spiritual friend. We read Leech’s book together. Leech had a lot to teach us, but we focused on this message. We met once a week.
We each shared what was happening in our lives, including our secret worries, concerns, fears, and where we believed God might be working. We spoke without interruption or interpretation. There was no advice given, nor was there empathy or sympathy expressed. We just listened. Afterwards, we prayed for each other, focusing specifically on each person's concerns.
I am sure Leech would have wanted us to do more, but that was a start for both of us. It connected us to God by sharing our stories with someone else. In doing so, these secrets lost their power over us, and somehow, we entered the secret place inside ourselves where God was dwelling.
It was a beginning. I learned a little about how secrets and fears can block us from God. We no longer meet, but we are still friends and trust each other. We are thankful for this time when our paths crossed and started both of us on a new journey.
I have gained more soul mates now. Many are from my spiritual direction class at Kanuga, and many others have traveled alongside me for years as we have supported each other. Soul mates now also include writers like Barbara Brown Taylor, Phyllis Tickle, Kate Bowler, Dean Kate Moorehead Carroll, Frederick Buechner, and Henri Nouwen, who inspire us daily through their writing. I don’t know how people make this journey without soul friends.
This type of friend is priceless, a gift from God. If you're searching for one, include it in your prayers. My experience is that this kind of treasured spiritual friend will appear.
Joanna joannaseibert.com