Art of Not-Knowing

Guest Writer: Ken Fellows

Art of Not-Knowing

Iris Uncertainty Fellows

      In mid-1970, I began my career as an academic Pediatric Radiologist. With several other American radiologists back then, I helped pioneer a new sub-specialty, Pediatric Interventional Radiology. That endeavor was made possible by an explosive improvement in X-ray imaging. A new device –the image-intensifier –allowed especially clear fluoroscopic (real time) visualization of inner-human anatomy.

It was soon accompanied by other revolutionary imaging techniques, such as ultrasound (US), computed tomography (CT), and magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). All these provided new and extraordinarily precise imaging of the circulatory system, the heart, brain, and most other organs. Using this new imaging, interventional radiologists were able to insert local anesthesia, thin catheters, and other small devices into patients through needles (not incisions) to perform therapeutic procedures. No general anesthesia is needed –just sedation of the patient.  

     Using these devices, interventional radiologists began treating problems such as plugging bleeding vessels, closing holes in hearts, opening obstructed arteries and veins, doing biopsies, and draining abscesses, cysts, and other loculated fluids. The past 50 years have seen a vast expansion of these interventional techniques. I performed those procedures for the first 30 of those years.

     Following my retirement from radiology practice 23 years ago, I happened into a ‘second act’ as a watercolor painter and a memoir writer. I’ve sometimes wondered if any common thread exists between these very different eras of my life … any connection between doing interventional procedures and art, and the ‘uncertainty of outcome’ common to both?  

    Pondering this question in my aged rodent brain, a possible connection was suggested recently in the book Emergency Medicine by Jay Baruch, MD. In it, he describes his difficulty in discerning from some patients’ rambling histories and vague symptoms what the actual underlying problem is. He explains how this is a doctor’s challenge not usually addressed in medical training –this not-knowing –a circumstance so antithetical to medical practice.

 

     Dr. Baruch attributes the concept of not-knowing to a dated but still famous essay in which David Barthelme describes the act of writing, and the creative arts in general, as a process of dealing with not-knowing. Barthelme states, “The writer (artist) is someone who, when embarking upon a messy task, doesn’t know what to do.” He adds, “Problems are crucial to not-knowing, and not-knowing is crucial to art.” The essay opines, “Writing is a process of dealing with not-knowing, and that not-knowing is hedged about with prohibitions, with roads that may not be taken.” To this, Jay Baruch adds: “In any process of inquiry, our uncertainty is our ally.” I, in turn, propose that the ability to welcome uncertainty is often a critical part of being a doctor. Perhaps this idea is the connection I’ve been seeking between writing, painting, and performing interventional procedures.

       Whether a writer, painter, or doctor, problems causing uncertainty are usually most formidable when beginning an undertaking. The problems are generally a matter of ideas, imagination, or technique. For surgeons and interventionalists, clinical problems typically have either a traditional, patented solution or require an innovative approach, a new maneuver that needs to be created. Even during routine procedures, unforeseen complications and anatomic aberrations arise that require spontaneous and imaginative corrective action. For doctors, problems of selecting the best approaches to healing are the foundation of their uncertainty and not-knowing.

     In summary, not-knowing is a mental state common to making art and literature. Similar uncertainty often characterizes medical sleuthing, surgery, and interventional endeavors. Expanding the idea, I suspect this inherent doubting is not limited to art and medicine, but exists in many other fields. In various walks of life, uncertainty often enhances performance, fosters progress, and creates innovation. 

Ken Fellows

Joanna https://www.joannaseibert.com/

New Doors Opening

Change and New Doors Opening

Kidd: Spiritual Whittling
“There’s an old Carolina story I like about a country boy with a great talent for carving beautiful dogs out of wood. He sat on his porch whittling daily, letting the shavings fall around him. A visitor, greatly impressed, asked him the secret of his art. “I just take a block of wood and whittle off the parts that don’t look like a dog,” he replied….

In spiritual whittling, though, we don’t discard the shavings. Transformation happens not by rejecting these parts of ourselves but by gathering them up and integrating them. Through this process we reach a new wholeness. Spiritual whittling is an encounter with Mystery, waiting, the silence of inner places—all those things most folks no longer have time for.”—Sue Monk Kidd in When the Heart Waits (HarperOne 2016 )

This is also my experience of transformation. I constantly realize parts of my life that keep me “together” or keep me connected to God that are useful at one time, and later become tired and worn and need to rest. Our ministry or what we have to offer changes.

One of the most challenging changes for me was leaving my medical practice. That was my identity. But I wanted to do so many other things. It becomes more challenging to keep up with the constantly changing technical, medical world if we do not stay with it constantly. I learned that just because we are good at one ministry doesn’t mean we should always keep doing it. We may be keeping others from the joy of that ministry, and they may even do it better! Also, the wisdom we learn from one career or ministry is always useful for the next one. Nothing is ever wasted.

I am also learning to be more vigilant about habits that kept me safe during some parts of my life, which later became destructive.

What am I trying to say? Life is about constantly giving up control or the illusion that we are in control. It is being open to change, letting doors shut, but being available to enter new doors or not being afraid to sit in the hallway for a while, waiting to hear the squeak of another door opening. Finally, it is about trusting, avoiding being stuck and stagnating, or thinking we are out of options.

What new doors will be opened to us this Lent?

Joanna   https://www.joannaseibert.com/

 

 

 

 

Leonard Cohen

Leonard Cohen

“You let me sing, you lifted me up, you have my soul a beam to travel on. You folded your distance back into my heart. You drew the tears back to my eyes. You hid me in the mountain of your word. You gave the injury a tongue to heal itself. You covered my head with my teacher’s care, you bound my arm with my grandfather’s strength. O beloved speaking, O comfort whispering in the terror, unspeakable explanation of the smoke and cruelty, undo the self-conspiracy, let me dare the boldness of joy.”―Leonard Cohen, “Poem 19,” Book of Mercy, 1984.

My husband and I recently watched a remarkable documentary about Leonard Cohen’s song Hallelujah and its 80 to 180 verses he wrote during his lifetime. Indeed, the music and its verses documented the Canadian poet and songwriter’s life. The story of the life of Hallelujah was just as fascinating. It took Cohen five years to write the song.

 Cohen initially released Hallelujah in an album rejected by a major record company in this country, and it was released only in England in 1984, where it was minimally successful. Only when other popular singers, John Cale and Jeff Buckley, began performing Hallelujah did its widespread popularity get its start. Amazingly, the use of Cale’s Hallelujah in the animated movie Shrek in 2001 skyrocketed the song. Then, with Cohen’s death in November 2016, the music reached international prominence again.

I remember first being moved by Hallelujah when k.d. lang performed it at the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics in Vancouver, Canada, in 2010. She was dressed in white on a high stage, singing the anthem with all her heart.

Lang described the verses as the struggle between human desire and spiritual wisdom. The early verses have biblical references to Samson and Delilah, as well as King David and Bathsheba. Many see the music and lyrics swaying between blessings and losses. This history of the anthem and its lyrics seem to be a remarkable timeline for the spiritual autobiography of Cohen’s life.

What music could each of us write to share the timeline of our spiritual autobiography?