May, Burton: Willfulness
“Willfulness must give way to willingness and surrender. Mastery must yield to mystery.” Gerald May
Guest Writer, Larry Burton
These words from psychiatrist and spiritual director Gerald May are perhaps the most important and the most difficult of any I know. Folks who come for spiritual direction often think it is a way to “master” spiritual practice, or to “do things right.” But a life in the Spirit cannot be mastered. It can only be accepted. I write this not out of my own mastery, because as much as I would still like to get this thing “right,” I haven’t. What I have learned, and what I seek to share, is the process of trusting surrender. Many, if not most, of us have equated faith with right belief. It is not easy for us to make the journey to the roots of the word faith, but when we do we find that being faithful is about surrender and willingness.
Care must be taken, however. One of my friends who is seeking a deeper spiritual experience told me recently, “I dedicated my life to Christ as a missionary when I was eight years old. I believed every word the preacher said. In high school, I started questioning, and by the time I had gotten to college my father had kicked me out of the house because I didn’t believe anymore.”
My friend had surrendered himself to a set of propositions that must be strictly mastered in order to go to heaven. When that failed, he was angry and walked away from it all.
Surrender and willingness is a discerning humility. That is, it does not deny curiosity and inquiry, but at the same time it accepts the mystery and just as importantly, the love of God. My friend has no interest in regaining his old beliefs. What he seeks is a sense of connectedness to a Higher Power. Even though I wish this journey would lead him into Christian community, that isn’t in my power. Even a spiritual director gets to learn and relearn willingness and surrender.
Larry Burton
Joanna joannaseibert.com