Wise Selfishness
“We have to take care of ourselves without being selfish. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should practice wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness. Foolish selfishness means thinking only of yourself, not caring about others, bullying others, or exploiting others. In fact, taking care of others, helping others, ultimately is the way to discover your own joy and have a happy life. So that is what I call wise selfishness.” (the Dalai Lama).—His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams, The Book of Joy (Avery, 2016), pp. 47-48.
Recently, I met with a group of people who visit hospitals and homebound members of our congregation. I asked, “What feeds your soul about visiting the sick and homebound? Why do you do something that will always interrupt your routine to visit someone you may not know?” Almost to a person, the answer was, “I always get more out of the visit than the person I meet with.” Another person spoke up, saying, “It is a two-way street. We both learn to see Christ in each other. This helps us eventually see Christ in ourselves.”
One person said, “We must not forget that we bring love and community to someone vulnerable and in need of connection.” These wise men and women have experienced that visiting and praying with those in need brings love and connection to both parties. Most visitors have experienced this as well. In the past, many also received a pastoral visit when they were in need. They have experienced what it is like to walk in the shoes of those they visit.
I don’t think any hospital visitors would consider their ministry selfish, but the Dalai Lama, Bishop Tutu, and Douglas Abrams might describe it differently. They would say that feeding another’s soul, which also feeds our own, is wise selfishness. An act of loving-kindness is always wise selfishness.