Parker Palmer: Grief, Suffering, Violence, and Hope
“Violence is what happens when we don’t know what else to do with our suffering.”—Parker Palmer, On the Brink of Everything: Grace, Gravity & Getting Old (Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc., 2018), p. 48.
I am not even a quarter of the way through this recent book by Parker Palmer, and I have already underlined most of what I have read. I am especially moved by this quote about violence from Parker’s commencement address to the class of 2015 at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado.
We see this every day in our lives. Violence stems from accumulated suffering that we and generations before us can no longer bear. Violence is grief that cannot find any other outlet or transformation. Maybe some have simply inherited this way of responding to suffering. Violence is grief over the loss of identity, the loss of what we think may be ours, the loss of loved ones, the loss of land, the loss of life’s work, the loss of the rights others have, the loss of food and shelter, and the loss of love.
Grief is a powerful energy. I know it best from working with people in a grief recovery group, Walking the Mourner’s Path. Unfortunately, grief saps us of all energy. Sometimes we become paralyzed. When we grieve, we can become violent toward others, blaming them for the loss of our loved ones. We can harm ourselves, grow bitter, and see ourselves as victims.
There is hope, enormous hope.
I have seen this tremendous energy turn into something other than violence. As we listen to the stories of others who are suffering, this impulse can be transformed into empathy and love. When suffering moves beyond its own pain and reaches out to the pain of others, it can become compassion. Compassion leads to nonviolent ways of moving through suffering, especially in community.
Suffering may not be the only factor in violence, but it can help us look at violence in ourselves and the world to see what role it plays in these interactions. This involves looking at what must be happening within ourselves and others, and showing compassion whenever violence raises its ugly head.
Our faith stories teach us that finding love and compassion amid suffering can lead to a resurrection experience.
Joanna joannaseibert.com