Soul Friends

First Soul Friend

“Finally, I suspect that it is by entering that deep place inside us where our secrets are kept that we come perhaps closer than we do anywhere else to the One who, whether we realize it or not, is of all our secrets the most telling and the most precious we have to tell.”—Frederick Buechner, Frederick Buechner Center, Quote of the Day, formerly in Telling Secrets.

Kenneth Leech’s book, Soul Friend: An Invitation to Spiritual Direction, was the first book I read about spiritual direction over thirty years ago. Something was calling me to form deeper connections with other spiritual friends. I was seeing a counselor who helped me cope with life's challenges, but I somehow instinctively knew I needed a friend who genuinely cared for my soul, someone who could help me recognize the work of the God of my understanding in my life. I learned the importance of sharing ideas and seeking advice from others in my medical practice. After many mistakes, I found that when I tried to make decisions without consulting others, I often went down the wrong path and arrived at incorrect diagnoses.

How do you find someone you can trust with your soul? Spiritual directors were rare at that time. It had to be someone I trusted with my fears and secrets. I knew I shared my life with my family members, but my guidance or path to God always affected them directly or indirectly. I needed to talk to or be with someone who was not explicitly impacted by the insights we might have. 

After some time, I found another friend, Dean McMillin, in a book group. She was also looking for a soulmate and a spiritual friend. We read Leech’s book together. Leech had a lot to teach us, but we focused on this message. We met once a week. 

We each shared what was happening in our lives, including our secret worries, concerns, fears, and where we believed God might be working. We spoke without interruption or interpretation. There was no advice given, nor was there empathy or sympathy expressed. We just listened. Afterwards, we prayed for each other, focusing specifically on each person's concerns. 

 I am sure Leech would have wanted us to do more, but that was a start for both of us. It connected us to God by sharing our stories with someone else. In doing so, these secrets lost their power over us, and somehow, we entered the secret place inside ourselves where God was dwelling.

It was a beginning. I learned a little about how secrets and fears can block us from God. We no longer meet, but we are still friends and trust each other. We are thankful for this time when our paths crossed and started both of us on a new journey. 

I have gained more soul mates now. Many are from my spiritual direction class at Kanuga, and many others have traveled alongside me for years as we have supported each other. Soul mates now also include writers like Barbara Brown Taylor, Phyllis Tickle, Kate Bowler, Dean Kate Moorehead Carroll, Frederick Buechner, and Henri Nouwen, who inspire us daily through their writing. I don’t know how people make this journey without soul friends.

This type of friend is priceless, a gift from God. If you're searching for one, include it in your prayers. My experience is that this kind of treasured spiritual friend will appear.

Joanna joannaseibert.com

A Mother's Life in Poems

A mother’s life in poems

“Communion

Eyes look down.

 Souls look up.”—Dodie Horne, Root &Plant &Bloom, Poems by Dodie Walton Horne, edited by Jennifer and Mary Horne, 2020, p. 104.

Dodie began writing poems as a child. She died suddenly in 1994, at the age of fifty-nine, from a brain tumor. Ironically, a woman who dearly loved words died of cancer in the part of her body where words are formed. Dodie’s daughters, Mary and Jennifer, collected around 370 of their mother’s poems, beautifully packaged and published them as a gift to us. 

The book is organized into sections by subject, each introduced with lines from her poems. For example, “They Brought Me Spring” is about motherhood. “Life in Little Rock” explores younger adulthood and self-acceptance. The “Calendars and Clocks” section addresses time passing and aging. “The Questing Why” deals with religion and the spirit. 

Dodie was a girlfriend, soulmate, and masseur who cared for my wounded body through many physical trials. I loved visiting her in her final home deep in the woods of Ferndale, but I was never sure each time if my car would make it down the winding, rough dirt road. 

I visited Dodie while she was ill. I remember leaving magnolia branches in her room during our last visit in July. She never spoke, and she died soon after. I treasured the thought that the scent of magnolia filled her room and helped midwife her into God’s arms. I could not hold back tears at the synchronicity of Dodie’s last writing, “REAL LIFE,” that Jennifer and Mary left in the book.

— ‘REAL LIFE’ events are not necessarily events; this evening in July shows me that the magnolia candles have finished spreading their light and dropped to the ground, replaced by glowing lightning bugs and cool breezes. I look out at this scene and feel it with all my senses.

—And there would be, there is: writing—in itself an act of gratitude. ‘REAL LIFE’ goes on.” 1

As our large magnolia tree blooms near our house, I always think of Dodie and what she taught me.

Dodie couldn’t hold back her words of love and gratitude that she gave to so many people in her lifetime and even beyond.

1 p. 188.

Joanna Seibert  https://www.joannaseibert.com/

Learning to Love

Learning to Love

“Hatred stirs up strife,

   but love covers all offenses.”—Proverbs 10:12.

We are all banking on this being true. I think of all my offenses, the evil I have acknowledged the harm I have done, whether consciously or unconsciously, and the friends and family members I have hurt. I make amends for the damage I have done, but mostly, I try to make living amends.

I hope to learn to love how my granddaughter, Langley, is supporting this young child on her mission trip. I want to hold the Christ in others close and tell them what a treasure they are. I want to see Christ in them. This is what spiritual friends do for each other. They affirm and stand by  God’s love in one another. 

Lately, I am paying it forward more often. If I can't make amends to the person I harmed, especially if they have died, I now show the love I wish I could have given them to someone else. Paying it forward means showing love to someone who has done nothing for us, especially someone we don't know and who feels loveless. Still, making amends directly to the person we hurt will always be the most freeing. 

I try, I judge, I make mistakes, I mess up, I hurt others, I make amends; I try to show the love that has often been unconditionally given to me, and the cycle repeats itself again and again. It is a circular path. It is the human condition. Still, I try to stay connected to this circular journey with others who know more about love than I do, and I hope to learn from them. I can easily see Christ in them; sometimes, they can see Christ in me, guiding me back onto the path of love. 

Today, I learn the most about love from my grandchildren. It's a circular path: I first learned about love from my grandparents many years ago.

Joanna https://www.joannaseibert.com/